This summer I will be 1 of 12 participants going to summer writing school with Kelley Armstrong as our teacher. This workshop is tough to get into. They've filled Kelley Armstrong's class, and opened a second group to be lead by Eve Silver. I have until June 15 to get my 20 pages submitted in time to be workshopped.
I am so nervous about this.
There are many levels of nerves here for me. 1. I'm an introvert. Socializing is going to be very tough on me. 2. I'm incredibly shy about sharing my writing face-to-face, especially if I have to read it out loud. I shake so bad it's hard to hear me. 3. I'm nervous about having to drive in and out of Toronto every day for a week. I have travel anxiety. I'm going be afraid of missing my exit or being late or finding a parking spot or just plain driving on the 401.
I'm not sure which part I'm scared about most.
At this point I'm just hoping for the best of everything and to learn as much as I can. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I hope to make the best of it.
Other than the travel anxiety, I think what I have is not so much a fear of failure as it is a fear of being confirmed as a non-talent. A fear of everyone else being better than me. A fear of everyone finding out that I don't "think on the spot" and will end up looking "dumb". I definitely fear not being smart enough or talented enough.
So I have until June 15 to get my writing sample turned in and until July 16 to get my act together, suck it up and just do it.